Teen Mom, it’s not the trashy TV it used to be, but is also still trashy.

You wanna know something? I love trashy TV. The trashier the better actually. After having to use my nice people voice all day (seriously, why do we do that and who even IS that person?), there is nothing better than watching Pauly D scream at people in a mocking tone of his own voice.

However…..

Teen mom has seemed to get away from me.

First of all, if you have NOT watched Jenelle Evans’ straight up road rage episode, watch it now. Home girl has lost her whole mind. She put Jace in an unbelievable amount of danger. Which I am sure she did not think she was doing because she’s an NRA groupie, and her gun would save them from whatever danger she was leading them into. (not saying it wouldnt save them, but what if that dude also pulled out a gun and was a little less stable). Secondly, Jace was not phased one bit during this entire thing, just like he was on a leisurely car ride, so, you know he’s seen some shit.

I’m always rooting for Jenelle to just get it together. She always almost does, then she shacks up with some lunatic and marries him and we have to start all over. (CC: David who can’t seem to not be a problematic douche on the internet for 5 seconds)

and then…

They add our local DeJesuses. Briana’s crazy family brings a whole different dynamic to the show. It really is straight up Jerry Springer. They yell in their varying accents, sometimes its more trashier than others. They all live in what looks like a 30 square foot apartment, which I really don’t understand. So for MTV, it was a great addition. For ME, personally, it may be too much. Her sister is always getting a loud and trying to fight someone and also her ill and frail mom is always trying to fight someone too. Briana seems to be the most normal, which is concerning. Like, why doesn’t this family have inside voices?

So that addition also meant I get WAY less Chelsea time, which is mostly the reason I watch that show. She’s so hot, and Cole is so hot and also disgustingly polite. Like so polite that I have no idea how he has made two children. I want them to adopt me and then I want to line up Adam’s family and open hand slap them all in the mouth. You know, I never thought Adam quitting would stick, you know because he clearly likes drugs and steroids (allegedly) and MTV is one hell of a paycheck, so props to Adam for being a true quitter.

Leah’s story is almost always the most interesting because of Ali’s rare genetic disease. Its hard to see Leah go through something like that. Its hard to watch Ali’s disease progress and see what that does to her sisters behavior and the strain it adds to having 3 kids and being a single mom. It’s almost as hard to watch as that time Leah tried motivational speaking.

I kid, I kid. You know I have crippling anxiety so trying to motivate other people by having to use my outside voice is a hard pass and props to those to try.

I feel I should mention Kail here because I’ve talked about everyone else, but she doesn’t bother me. She acts exactly how she would act if she wasn’t on TV and she is by far the best co-parenter on the show. Everyone gets along here. Except Javi sometimes, who is also a lunatic.

AND NOW….

Bristol. Fucking. Palin. Is Sarah out of money? What even is this.

Sure I was not a fan of Farrah because she pretended like we didnt see her working in a pizza shop and getting scammed out of her car just a few measly years ago. Girl, we know where you came from and how got you there, don’t be an asshole to production.

However, this just doesn’t make sense. Teen mom OG and 2 are cool with adults because we know those adults and have watched them struggle to get their shit together. Bristol, while she may have been a teen mom, I doubt she was out there struggling. She probably fed her baby on her porch and stared at Russia. Maybe she did struggle though, who knows. WE SURE DONT. We know minimal details about her life, we didn’t follow her journey. They should’ve just brought one of the old girls back, like tiny McKenzie.

I dont want to see Bristol Palin, guys this is so weird. Is there still time to change it? Move trashy Briana to OG or something. What an odd choice.

Also, since were on Teen Mom OG

Can we talk about Ryan Edwards for a second here. I dont know what Jen and Larry’s problem is here. Ryan, fresh out of 30 days of rehab (After doing 10k worth of a heroin a week) is out drinking and making life altering decisions because HIS wife Mackenzie is also a lunatic (or just loves those MTV checks). His parents are delusional, Ryan is totally not okay (Allegedly). Ryan’s first wedding traumatized me, and Mackenzie pretending she had no idea Ryan was on drugs that whole time is a MESS. His second wedding (also to Mac) was also traumatizing. First of all, he was drunk, which probably isnt good. Second of all, his vows were trash, and him asking about money during the reception is trash.

All in all, the Edward family gets the Hot Mess Trophy. Consequently, Maci gets the Saint trophy for not losing her shit and running them over with her car after they talk all that trash about her, the one who takes care of Bentley so Ryan can do a copious amount of drugs.

Sadly, Teen Mom 2 has ended this past week. But we do get to see the explosive reunion where the trashiness comes to a peak, so stay tuned for that.

Maybe I should do weekly recaps, my two true passions: reality TV and writing? What do you think? Do some live recaps? Whilst drinking wine? Stay tuned next week to find out.

 

August 4, 2018
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