Nothing is permanent. Especially the good stuff. Sometimes, when the fog of anxiety clears, you think it’s all over. You think that it’s over, FINALLY. You come out of a funk, you clean your room and get all the shit off of the floor, and light one decrepit Bath and Body Works candle from 2009 and relax. In a perfect world that is where the credits would roll. BUT we do not live in a perfect world, and the anxiety will come back like some terrible Mean Girls 2 sequel. I sat in my office at work, feeling the walls cave in, on your average Tuesday morning, trying to catch my breath and sweating. If someone had asked me what was wrong the answer would be “nothing” or “I don’t know”, and it wouldn’t be a lie. Generalized anxiety is stupid and it happens any time for any and all reasons.
Then, while scrolling instagram searching for the perfect InStAgRaM story (follow me here), I saw something revolutionary. It was a quote that said:
“Dont believe everything you think”
In this exact bubble gum pink mess.
So, then I stopped, and I thought about it. Had I been in any other state of mind I would have blew it off and assumed it mean’t don’t believe everything you hear. But, in middle of my brain trying to make me die, it made complete sense.
Anxiety makes you think the absolute worst out of any situation. It amplifies already stressful situations. Basically it’s the whole ass worst. So, I took a step back and I thought about it. Should I be believing everything I was thinking in the height of my freak out? No, hell to the no. If someone had said the things I was thinking to me when I was out of the fog I’d laugh at them. Then, I would calmly tell them that they sounded crazy and then I’d ask if they wanted wine.
However, while in the fog its not that easy to realize you’re being crazy. Trying to find a parking spot on a crowded street has you thinking you’re going to miss whatever you’re trying to do, or get your car towed, or get in some road rage fist fight because you’re driving 7mphs. Every unanswered text causes your thoughts to spiral, so you send more texts in case they’re made at you, then freak out over THOSE unanswered texts. People with anxiety just do not function the same way as other people. It makes me feel less than other people, I can feel people judging me for freaking out over completely normal things. However, they may not be judging me at all, they may not even notice I am there. Those are just some of the things my brain makes me think.
That is how I am going to treat myself now. I will NOT believe everything I think because my brain is wired to be a shady bitch. She cannot be trusted, my brain once convinced me that I looked good with all my hair bleached. I did not, that’s the moment I should have known something was not right.
No matter how long it takes you realize that you may have anxiety, or depression or anything else, the battle still roars on. Realizing it and taking the first steps to get better is over half the battle. The other half of the battle is getting out of the inevitable fog. It is realizing, at moments, you cannot trust what your own brain is telling you. The fog cannot be stopped, but it can be managed.
How you manage it is entirely up to you, and maybe a doctor. But in my opinion, not always believing what you think can be a great place to start. Unless what you’re thinking is that Laguna Beach was before its time, and was a cinematic masterpiece, and we should bring back ribbon chokers. In that instance, your brain would be right.
Now I’m going to have a wine, watch reality TV, and remember that I shouldn’t always believe what I’m thinking while I’m in the fog.