It is no secret that when I want to….I can throw the best parties. I am very obsessive and I love going overboard, so I have all the makings of a great party thrower. Lets go memory lane and so I can show you my favorite party that I have ever thrown.
Does anything sound more fun than going to prom? Yes, like several things. Prom had a really strict dress code, and you weren’t old enough to drink yet, and there were chaperones squeezing between people. However, does anything sound more fun that an adult prom?
You might be thinking of some things that you THINK are more fun, but you’re wrong. Nothing is more fun. I rented a giant barn, I made a real dangerous alcoholic punch, and I left a digital camera out.
Nice Is Just A Place In France is a really great book I read several years ago, that is rocking a solid 3 star review on amazon. You wanna know why? I’ll tell you…
…because its not nice…..
It is not a self-help book and everything in here is meant to be taken with a grain of salt. People pick this up and want a cushion-y book that will walk them along the path to get whatever they want. That is not what happens here, this is a book is more for people who know they are a bitch, but are scared of the bitch living within.
In a very weird, and highly unusual turn of events, I won a contest. I win very few things, like VERY FEW. This wasn’t any ‘enter for your chance to win 50 cents off your order of 50 dollars or more’ either. I won a spot to watch The Oscars red carpet live and in action. In case you missed it, I take award season VERY seriously. So this is like if Snooki from Jersey Shore won a trip to a functioning pickle and vodka factory. A match made in heaven.
SO, how the fresh hell did this happen?
Its a funny story. I was on the academy website to see if they had any jobs available, because every business needs assistants and stuff right? How awesome would it be to work for The Oscars?? Well too bad, no jobs. But I did stumble upon a page to enter a contest sponsored by The Academy Museum to send you and a guest to sit and watch the red carpet, so whatever. I’ll enter any contest. Flash forward to literally MONTHS later.
2 words. Award. Season
(Skip to the bottom for the drinking game)
I live for award season. I have my sheets, my data, my research, MY CHAMPAGNE, and I’m ready. The Golden Globes is often referred to the beginning of red carpet (award) season. The kick off the season and the larger awards follow afterwards. Not that the Golden Globes ARE NOT an important award, they are just the most fun so they are taken less seriously. The Golden Globes are mostly known for the bottomless supply of Moët, a.k.a, my wildest dream. I actually purchased moët champagne sippers for splits of champagne (available on ebay). So mixed with the endless champagne, and the first red carpet of the year, it makes for a very very interesting show. And I like to drink along..
I have said it once and I will say it again, New Years resolutions are garbage. They are not a binding contract (I don’t know, they could be, I’m still waiting on final grades and I think I might have failed contracts. EVERYTHING AND NOTHING IS A BINDING CONTRACT) and realistically, nobody is going to hold anybody to their promises.
It’s just an excuse to make a really long facebook post that nobody will laugh at you for because everybody is feeling all spiritual and open, even though as soon as they’re done writing about their new profound outlook on life they’re going to have they’re making fun of Tammy’s chunky super cut highlights.
You’re not fooling me. If I MUSTTT make some resolutions for the new year, I prefer to keep them broad. Otherwise it turns into a weird morbid bucket list with an expiration date. Without any further ado:
Reverse Bucket List
New Years resolutions are so dumb. I can’t ever think of something I want to do. I want abs and not be out of breath when I walk up the stairs, but I’m not prepared to take the necessary steps to get there. So no, I don’t want to make my resolution to go to the gym more and no I most certainly do not want to go to the gym with you. I don’t want to have some generic resolutions that I don’t really want to do in the first place, like go to the gym and eat better and drink less and meditate. I WANT TO DO COOL SHIT. But like, what kind of cool shit…? When presented with open ended personal questions I freak out.
“If you could live anywhere in the world where would you want to live?”
ummmm… I dont know, Columbus is pretty cool? Maybe Ann Arbor?
Okay so, all your friends are weird.
That’s okay, I have created a gift guide based on different types of friends one might encounter. No more guessing what Brittany, the laziest human on the planet, might want. No more assuming all Susan, the mom of the group, wants is a gift card for a stacked bob haircut. I have gone through and analyzed my own friend group, and friend groups from TV, and curated five perfect categories to help you get your shop on.
1. The hotmess express (choo choo)
You know a few things to be sure in this crazy world. She will be the most excited to go out. She will be the first to cry. She will have to leave the bar 10:30pm. Help her out guys..
Embed from Getty Images
The gift guide was supposed to be posted today. It really was, but Prince Harry and Meghan Markle had OTHER PLANS for the world though. LIKE A FREAKING ROYAL WEDDING. Get out your William and Kate china guys.
(Quick disclaimer, all the pictures used here will be from Gettys Embedded, so they’ll have all Getty’s labels and everything. Sorry if thats annoying, but I cannot afford to purchase these photos and I don’t want to go to jail)
My first thought was “how dare you?” and then I remembered that Meghan Markle is gorgeous, famous, and ultra fancy chic (not a cat food) and I was fine with it. How could Harry NOT marry Meghan? The more I read the more I’m like yeah okay but does Harry deserve Meghan. America has decided to stan.