First of all, is it travel anxiety or is it just real ass anxiety? It is almost impossible to tell. I feel like travel anxiety is all your regular anxieties, heightened because of the fact you do not get to be at home. However, whatever it is, its god awful. I almost passed up the opportunity of a lifetime because I was too nervous to leave. Just think of all the things that could go wrong! Do I have something in my carry on thats going to flag me as a terrorist? Is my checked bag being thrown around all willy nilly? What if I miss my flight even though I’m 2 hours early?
So, thats what I did, thought of all the minute things that could go wrong. My friend did the honors of googling the chances of plane crashes, and dying in plane crashes. Which are somewhere in the 1 in 5.5 million of a plane crashing. So, then I had to prepare myself for what to do in the event of a plane crash. They say not to take your stuff with you, but like, I am absolutely taking my stuff. What if we’re stranded on a remote island (somewhere between Ohio and Burbank CA) and I need a blanket, or the 5th Harry Potter book?? Yeah nice try Amanda the flight attendant, but I’ll be taking my stuff.
In a very weird, and highly unusual turn of events, I won a contest. I win very few things, like VERY FEW. This wasn’t any ‘enter for your chance to win 50 cents off your order of 50 dollars or more’ either. I won a spot to watch The Oscars red carpet live and in action. In case you missed it, I take award season VERY seriously. So this is like if Snooki from Jersey Shore won a trip to a functioning pickle and vodka factory. A match made in heaven.
SO, how the fresh hell did this happen?
Its a funny story. I was on the academy website to see if they had any jobs available, because every business needs assistants and stuff right? How awesome would it be to work for The Oscars?? Well too bad, no jobs. But I did stumble upon a page to enter a contest sponsored by The Academy Museum to send you and a guest to sit and watch the red carpet, so whatever. I’ll enter any contest. Flash forward to literally MONTHS later.
I have been suffering for as long as I can remember. There may have been a brief clearing of the fog, but that was when N*SYNC took a ‘temporary hiatus’ and then never came back, SO I was still suffering. Anxiety is funny, it makes you ruin your own life. Anxiety makes you sit there and feel like you are all alone, you are the only living person who feels like this. WHILE AT THE SAME TIME, it makes you sit there and think… okay 40 million whole people also have this, so nobody really cares about mine. What am I going to do? Just go up and be like “man I really feel overwhelmed today” just so someone else can tell me “yeah…me too….and 40 million other people….get over it, it’s normal”.
I cannot make phone calls, I cannot hang out with my friends (no matter how badly I want to), I can’t sleep through the night without an anxiety attack, I cant finish my homework because i’m too anxious to start it because what if I don’t finish it….Does this shit seem normal to you?
I have said it once and I will say it again, New Years resolutions are garbage. They are not a binding contract (I don’t know, they could be, I’m still waiting on final grades and I think I might have failed contracts. EVERYTHING AND NOTHING IS A BINDING CONTRACT) and realistically, nobody is going to hold anybody to their promises.
It’s just an excuse to make a really long facebook post that nobody will laugh at you for because everybody is feeling all spiritual and open, even though as soon as they’re done writing about their new profound outlook on life they’re going to have they’re making fun of Tammy’s chunky super cut highlights.
You’re not fooling me. If I MUSTTT make some resolutions for the new year, I prefer to keep them broad. Otherwise it turns into a weird morbid bucket list with an expiration date. Without any further ado:
Reverse Bucket List
New Years resolutions are so dumb. I can’t ever think of something I want to do. I want abs and not be out of breath when I walk up the stairs, but I’m not prepared to take the necessary steps to get there. So no, I don’t want to make my resolution to go to the gym more and no I most certainly do not want to go to the gym with you. I don’t want to have some generic resolutions that I don’t really want to do in the first place, like go to the gym and eat better and drink less and meditate. I WANT TO DO COOL SHIT. But like, what kind of cool shit…? When presented with open ended personal questions I freak out.
“If you could live anywhere in the world where would you want to live?”
ummmm… I dont know, Columbus is pretty cool? Maybe Ann Arbor?
Our Trip to Wheeler Christmas Tree Farms-
One of my favorite parts of the holiday season (besides champagne and a roaring fire in the house) is the Christmas tree.
Me and my mom like to try to get an 11 foot Christmas tree. Despite our ceilings being 8 feet tall.
My family travels to Whitehouse Ohio and walk around the giant farm searching for the perfect tree. The best part is there are so many kinds you get to choose from. Wheeler Farms has so many types of different kinds of trees. In those categories are plenty specific trees to pick from! As opposed to going to a farm with just 30 trees already cut and somehow the only trees left are the ones with, what feels like, literal needles left where people have to pretend they’re having fun decorating but everyone is bleeding and crying and its chaos.
Have you ever watched TV and been like “yeah I can do that“? Thats how my family ended up at Family Feud auditions. There was a post going around facebook, that they were coming to the area where I live I decided to just fill out the application and see where it took us. With the amount of shares it was getting in my community, and the fact that I did NOT include a video, I figured our chances were pretty slim, but whatever. Don’t talk about it, be about it SON. So we were about it, and got an email around a week later telling us to request an in person audition time.
Alright, I’m gunna be real right up front here. Our friendsgiving looked nothing like that beautiful photo at the top that my mother took. Ours involved a lot space heaters and lawnmowers, IT HAD CHARACTER.
However, it was a perfect friendsgiving. If you’re lost, let me help you. Friendsgiving is what you wish your real thanksgiving was. Instead of sitting around your grandmas plastic covered table to eat dinner at 7:30 in the morning while listening to your weird uncle talk about gun control and Ronald Reagan, you get to be with your FRIENDS.
Everyone gets assigned a dish to bring and you roll up to someones house with your arms full of hot dishes, like those black Friday commercials when the moms roll out of the mini-van in slow motion, and you get down.
Hey, we’re about to have that little first day of class uncomfortable ice breaker meet and greet where everyone pretends they didn’t do anything over break when I know Kristen was bonging beers in the alley of a family video turned internet cafe.
My name is Madison, I am 24, I am a masters student at a law school. It’s terrible, I’ve seen way too many suit jackets and way too few sweatpants with holes in the buttcheeks (just me? okay).